It's been more than 20 years since Steve Coogan's beleaguered alter-ego baffled guests on Knowing Me, Knowing You and fans are overjoyed at his long-awaited return to the BBC. And my tribute to Her Majesty’s Police. The Sixties had come to East Anglia and it was a time of free thinking, free love and in my case free university accommodation.”, “Tears streamed down my face. Lost in the depths of despair I tried to figure out what I had done to deserve this. Either way, one of us is going down!”, “All this wine nonsense! '”, “I’m gonna hump ya. He was all over the place!”, “It’s 20 February 1995.

), I push up my jacket sleeves and use both arms to sweep an enormous mound of earth from behind me and into the hole – like a couple of arm bulldozers. “Putting a damp spoon back in the bowl is the tea-drinking equivalent of sharing a needle. Steve Coogan as Alan Partridge in Alan Partridge: Why When Where How and Whom? The nerve.”, “The temperature inside this apple pie is over 1000 degrees. A-ha! And while I was there, I saw some graffiti and it said ‘I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.’ Straight away you’ve got them by the jaffas.”, “We managed to rectify it, though, because it now says, by adapting it, “Cook” where it once said “Cock”, and it says “Pass” now where it once said “Piss”, so it’s slightly less rude.”, “In my mind God made Adam and Eve, he didn’t make Adam and Steve.”, “God is a gas… but not a small gas like Calor Gas”, “I know lying is wrong, but if the elephant man came in now in a blouse with some make up on, and said “how do I look?” Would you say, bearing in mind he’s depressed and has respiratory problems, would you say “go and take that blusher off you mis-shapened elephant tranny”? A-ha!

"Hello, Alan."

Uphill runs become power sappingly mundane whilst overtaking National Express coaches becomes a long, drawn-out affair. I think I'd have to say, the Best of The Beatles. He really is. It ruddy hurts like mad! However, you’re unlikely to encounter the name of Norwich’s most famous broadcaster in any chronicle of the world’s greatest minds. Peace of mind I’m sure, especially if you have elderly relatives on board.". And I came to a startling but unshakeable conclusion: no genuinely good music has been created since 1988.”, “Her yelling continues until I answer the door to find her on her knees shouting through the letterbox, like a gynaecologist bellowing into a woman.”, “The father, Trevor, was an asthmatic, but what he lacked in being able to breath quietly, he more than made up for with parental skills.”, “Snowflakes fell from the sky like tiny pieces of a snowman who had stood on a landmine.”, “For three long days, I felt the cold hand of death on my shoulder.

I’m having an attack of the old flakes again. Nevertheless, nice song.”, Feel free to add your own important Partridge quotes in the comments below – after all, knowledge is power…, Get money off your first four Hello Fresh boxes. ", When asked what his favourite Beatles album is: "Tough one.

Oh, this smells of, I don’t know, basil.

But whether his expulsion to the fringes of academia was due to his legendary hostility towards the students of Oxbridge university (wherever that is) or that unfortunate incident in which he inadvertently shot a learned man live on national television, none of that matters any longer.

The twentieth century will go down in history as an era which produced some of the greatest thinkers of all time.

Are you sure you want to submit this vote? I was talking to him early and he asked me what kind of phone I had and I said a Motorola Timeport. It was very crowded; I found myself in a last-minute rush for the one remaining seat beside a tall, good-looking man with collar-length hair, it was the seventies; buckaroo! Just bit.”, “1974 was a crazy, hazy time for Alan Partridge.

It really encapsulates the frustration of a Sunday, doesn’t it? My father died on 15 February, and has now been buried. I’d like to place an order for two supplementary, auxiliary speakers, to go with my Midi Hi-Fi system, apropos achieving surround sound.

I was a bit bored so I dismantled my Corby Trouser Press. Let’s have a bit of red, let’s have a bit of white. If I squeeze it, a jet of molten Bramley apple will squirt out.


", “If you see a lovely field with a family having a picnic, and a nice pond in it, you fill in the pond with concrete, you plough the family into the soil, you blow up the tree, and use the leaves to make a dress for your wife who is also your brother.”, “The temperature inside this apple turnover is over 1,000 degrees. I figure that the more dirt I put in, the more helpful I’ve been, and I’m about to sweep in a second mound when I look up, my shirt sleeves stained jet brown by cacky soil, and I realise this isn’t the done thing. You’ll need warm clothes, a camera with telephoto lens, two Thermos flasks (one for tea, t’other for wee) and for God’s sake remember your sandwiches.”, “I quickly realised Gibson had been joking and that Anthrax was the name of a heavy metal band or singer whose CD might have been in the box. You can unsubscribe at any time. In volleyball, if you win a rally, you get one point. You get all these wine people, don’t you? The guy obviously had talent.”, “Two fat ladies, 88! Well, other than the fat back that’s dogged me since the age of forty, I have a surprisingly toned body. The best Alan Partridge quotes – a celebration of wit and wisdom. ‘Apropos’…it’s Latin. I can’t put it back together again. Now this little babe can cope with anything, and I mean anything.